Thursday, May 1, 2008

Dear May,

Welcome!  How was your winter? We're glad to have you on board!

There are just a few ground rules we'd like to go over, lest there be a misunderstanding, due to miscommunication.

As you may, or may not be aware, April was a grave disappointment to us. With April, we never knew where we were at. We couldn't keep up to her changing moods. She was  fickle, was April. Far too temperamental for our liking. This is why we had to let her go. It wasn't working for us anymore, and it was just time.

Which brings us to you, May.

A fresh start.  "Under new management" so to speak. We have high hopes, for you, May. High hopes indeed.

Let it just be stated, without quibbling, in plain words: We are expecting you to bring us Spring, friend May. And to begin easing us into Summer. You are still on good terms with June and July? No animosity there that we should know about? Good. Good.

Yes. Warm temperatures, gentle rains, fresh breezes-  and could you have a word with the East and South Winds? Tell them to tone it down a bit. We don't think much of having our shingles ripped off the roof and our garbage bins knocked down. Not to mention all the dust they've been stirring up. Thank you.

Now, where was I? Oh, yes.  Warm temperatures, gentle rains, fresh breezes. And sunshine. In between the gentle rains, lots of sunshine.

So. Do you think you're up to the task, May? Can you handle the job? If you're not going to come through, we'd like to know right up front. None of the shenanigans that April was a party to. We could always bring in June and July a little earlier if this is too much for you. We understand that you've got a lot of catching up to do; we know that the previous administration, so to speak, left you holding the proverbial bag, but we think you can do it.

We have great confidence in you, May. We're sure you'll do a great job.

By the by... any insight on what April's problem was? Anything coming down the seasonal grapevine? If you hear something, let us know, would you? We'd like to head her off at the pass next year. We're happy to have a word with February or March, if they were in any way involved in April's poor performance this year.

We'll get back to you if it looks like you're having difficulty keeping up with our  objectives. Let's just say that after April we May have strategies in place for dealing with delinquent  seasons.

Just so you know.


  1. A few beautiful thunderstorms would be very acceptable too.

    I talked to April about the cold. It told me that, like myself, it has had enough of the global warming conspiracy/hoax, and was proving a point.

  2. That ought to deal with the problem!

  3. That's really cute. Good job!