I think it's finally hit me."
(I checked my email just before wrapping it up for the day.)
I wrote back.
"Could be. I'm still working on that particular reality."
The fact is, about once, every other day, a wave of realization washes over me and for just a moment I stop and think- this is it! We're not just visiting in this lovely house that happens to have our things in it.
We're not going back.
It's still quite strange.
The house feels more like home than it did 3 weeks ago.
The people definitely feel more like home then they did 3 weeks ago.
I can see that we will make some good friends here, and the ministry isn't looming over us like a big black cloud or anything. There is a sense of excitement in the air. Nothing of doom and gloom.
But, I'm still sorting out where and how I'll fit.
Not The Pastor's Wife, or The Boy's Mom.
I can see a bit of how I'll fit, as far as ministry goes.
I know what I'm about, as far as The Boy is concerned.
But, I think it will take some time to get myself sorted out.
I need to get settled enough to get back to doing the things that make Lauralea... Lauralea.
But fear not.
There is joy in the house in the field.
There is peace here, and grace.
And I'm content to ride the waves into that alternate reality when it comes.
However long it takes.
Getting yourself sorted out and getting back to doing the things that make Lauralea… Lauralea are very good things to do. As moms we most often let ourselves lose sight of these things. Enjoy the process of figuring out what you enjoy! I'm still on the end of the spectrum where I know what I enjoy and I have very little time for it. Maybe that sweater will be knit for next winter... :-)ReplyDelete
I think this process of rediscovering and recreating "me" is a process we go through many times in the course of our lifetime. I've just sorted through some of this myself and I haven't moved! But my life has required me to tap into different parts of me, which resulted in neglecting other parts of me which resulted in me feeling lost and feeling out of touch with something I couldn't quite put my finger on. I've figured it out now, the understanding of it anyway, and am content therein. But isn't it an interesting journey?ReplyDelete
Hope your find the ol' Lauralea soon in the comfort of familiar things, AND hope that some new things will also help carve your life too in new and interesting opportunities/challenges/interests.
I agree with Maureen - that there are several new seasons (that seem to coincide with kids taking a step of independence!) that seem to bring self-reflection.ReplyDelete
Best of luck finding "just you" - I think from the view here, there is one amazing lady in there and I want you to find her. ;)