We had a good second meeting with the surgeon yesterday afternoon. The release form has been signed, the pre-op history appointment has been made, and as soon as next Monday afternoon I could be in the rotation for a hysterectomy.
It's out there.
This will, seemingly, fix my "two steps forward, one step back" struggle with anaemia. Enough, after all, is enough, and over a year of low iron, fatigue and borderline depression is taking a toll.
I found it interesting, though, that after all my "talk" and "wishful thinking" to this end, I was a little discomfited by the reality of the surgery.
I've concluded that facing the prospect of a hysterectomy means facing my mortality again.
If I hadn't had that brush with it that resulted in a partial thyroidectomy nearly 2 years ago, I'd say this is probably the first time I'm having to consider that I won't live forever. In this bodily form, at least.
I think the thing with "ending it all", futuristically, maternally speaking, is that although I KNOW that having a baby at 47 years old would be unwelcome madness in the extreme, it is making me face the fact of my age.
This procedure can finally be done because I have reached an age of maturity that deems childbearing complete.
Once one comes to terms with that finality, the next step is to realize that it's all downhill from here.
I'll be 47 this year... next year I'll be 48... you see where this is going?
My hope is that the 6-8 week waiting period (no pun intended) will be significantly shortened by a cancellation, and that I'll be in and out in no time at all.
But my internal monologue has been interesting to me. I will be very glad when it's done. I'll be very glad to catch up on my iron and energy.
I'll be very glad if I can slide gracefully into mature middle age.
Without feeling as Old as the cessation of "all things womanly" might cause one to feel.
Big stuff...hugs and prayers from here.ReplyDelete
I'm only seeing the plusses from this side!! I know, my mom had a hysterectemy too and she said she had a hard time facing the fact that she wouldn't be "complete" either. But you are FAAAAR from old my friend!! Life only gets better the older you get! That's my outlook on things!! Just think someday you will have grandbabies to cuddle and spoil!ReplyDelete
Can't do that when you are in you're 30's and early 40's. Er, well it's a completely different feeling if you are!
Embrace each day. Cherish the moments you had, have and will have. Life is wonderful! And you will feel like a million bucks once this is all said and done!
Praying for ya!
I miss reading your blog for one day and see what happens! You make a momentous announcement that you are relinquishing a part of you to those surgeons.ReplyDelete
I suppose it will be for the best if it cures the loss of iron and makes you feel better. And the surgery won't likely be as tricky as the thyroid, so that's a good thing.
Worst thing may be that it will hurt to laugh and sneeze and cough and stand up straight if they approach the item in question through the tummy muscles.
Yup. He's making an incision. Should be just like a C-section, without the 9 pound baby at the end. Which will make for a much more relaxing recovery :) It will be much less stressful than the thyroid- if for no other reason than he's got NO MORPHINE written on my chart. I was sick for 2 days from the morphine last time. He's even offered to write me a note to be off work for a full 4 weeks. :) Randall said he didn't know if we could afford it. I said he just couldn't afford to replace me for that long!ReplyDelete
Only 4 weeks off? I thought the labour standard was 6 weeks after something like this. Tell Randall to get prepared. You should at least get 2/3 of your regular wages while you are off too IMHO :)ReplyDelete
It's still 4-6 weeks, but I think the Doctor was being very firm on the first 4 weeks, and so was offering a note/certification to keep me from work for at least that long. In case I had any trouble with my employers. No worries on holding to the injunction. And I'm sure I'll get full wages for the total time. After all, 100% of nuttin' is still nuttin' :) (technically speaking)ReplyDelete
I will echo the surgeon... You need to behave yourself and do or not do all he says.ReplyDelete
other wise you can split something open ( yup it Happens!)
Oh and you get used of not having that piece of you real quick!
Hey Lauralea, I'm reiterating what Elaine sayed about taking it easy after surgery. I had a hysterectomy at 40 with a 2 year old and tried to be a martyr. Don't do it! But the hyst...definitely the best decision!ReplyDelete