Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Filet Of Soul

The hard thing about "Prayer Week", is that sometimes when one gets reflective and introspective, one starts to see things a little more clearly.

Or at least one must own what's there and deal with it.

Or accept it, if it can't be dealt with.

I've been having to accept that I've actually been a little depressed.

Probably since just before Christmas.

I mean, I know in my head that this has been a frightful year; so much change. So many new things.

And I know that the hardest part about sadness for me, is that I'm not usually a sad person.

I don't think.

I tend to be the more optimistic one; the one who talks Himself off his dark ledges. The one who bounces back quickly.

We were talking about that a bit last night, and all of a sudden some words that I wrote to one of our kids slapped me in the head as I remembered them.

I wrote:

"The thing about being depressed about things, is that it happens.
When it happens and there are no logical reasons, then it's time to go see your doctor and tell her/him you're depressed and there's no logical reason.

But you have several good, honestly real reasons to be feeling depressed.

You can't ignore the sadness, but you don't want to wallow in it either.

I'm sure you're not doing that.

You just have to give yourself permission to feel sad for awhile.

It's like a death.

We're all in mourning, really, so we have to expect to feel sadness. We know the sadness won't always be there.

It WILL fade for the most part, but we shouldn't ignore it.

I think it's just something that is there. It is what it is. We recognize it and shake hands with it, then walk with it for awhile until it takes a different road."


And I think that's exactly what it is.

I know I won't always feel the sadness at the peripheral edge of my soul.

I know I can expect it to fade.

But I hadn't given myself permission to feel sad. I hadn't recognized it or shaken it's hand and prepared to walk with it for a season.

Until it takes a different road.


  1. Keep walking. Sort of like the fog will burn off as the sun comes up and then the path won't seem so gray and dusty.

    Wish I could be there in person to give you a huge hug. It would make me feel better too.

  2. Sending you a hug, too. I know you'll make it through. You've helped all of US make it through, after all. :)

    Love you.

  3. I think moving out to the country sent me over the edge last year. It started with a teeny bit of post partum, then I moved and things went awry.

    The best thing for me was Effexor (Spelling?) I was on the lowest dose there could possible be prescribed and it worked! I don't know if that's the drug of your doc's choice but whatever it may be go see your doc. Even if you only need something to get your head straight for a little while like I did it certainly helped. My friend Wes a retired pastor told me once if your leg was broken you'd see a doc ASAP, well the same goes for your mind!

    Moving out to the country is a big deal. Even if you don't even think it is, deep down IT IS.

    Best wishes and prayers.


  4. I'm where you are.:-( Guess I'll shake hands with "it" and get on with things....but I don't want to...

    Remember the times (so many I can't remember them all) that you made me laugh hysterically?

    I miss that 'cause no one makes me you.:-)

  5. People like to ignore the bad feelings or shuffle them away, but you know what? It's human to feel things. Good, bad, ugly(o.k.,you could never be ugly). Stand up and say, "I'm sad/mad/just plain yucky feeling!" It's good to recognize how you're feeling. Freeing. Then maybe something else will seep in there to comfort or inspire you. Hugs.