Friday, May 18, 2012

Living In A Dream

"What does it mean if you dream that you're eating glass?" I asked Himself after supper.

"Journal it," he said. "It would be unique to you. If you sit down and write it out, you might get clarity on it."

It's strange, really.

It's been a long day coming off a short night, and maybe the levels of fatigue combined with a physically stressful lactose test (a two hour ordeal which required fasting, involved four samples being drawn, and gave me wonky blood sugar until nearly noon) contributed to weird dream segments during my two hour nap later in the afternoon.

Whatever it's about, this space is, if not a place where I pour out the deepest, darkest secrets of my heart, at least a place I can use as a journal or think tank if need be.

So... what I remember about this dream was the eating of the glass. It seemed a fairly natural thing to be doing, but I can't remember the context/place/situation now. I just remember eating the glass. It crunched up nicely, and I remember that I realized I was eating the glass, and that I was dreaming, and that it was maybe a dangerous thing to do; it struck me that crushed glass in the victim's food was once the method in a murder mystery I read.

And as I was processing this in my sleep, I realized that it's not the first time I've dreamed of eating glass.

And so I wondered if it means something.

Maybe it has something to do with deciding to go gluten-free until my next doctor's appointment in July/August. Maybe that, combined with the lactose tolerance test and the possibility of having to give up coffee cream and cheese triggered the glass eating dream.


Maybe it does have something to do with giving up gluten. If I start to feel better in a week or two, I could conclude that gluten/bread is the glass: a natural, normal thing to eat that is actually dangerous for me to consume.

If a gluten-free diet makes no difference I'd have to come to another conclusion.


That kind of makes sense. The sheet of glass in my dream was a delightful, perfectly normal thing to eat, (as are Gluten and possibly lactose foods) that didn't hurt my mouth or throat as I ate it (so, not allergies that show up on the outside as rashes or hives) but was dangerous when ingested (like an intolerance could be).

Makes sense to me.

Time for a cup of Splenda sweetened tea without milk...

Feel free to jump in on this one.


  1. Or it's my hypochondriacal sub-conscious getting all paranoid on me...

  2. I totally agree with your interpretation of the dream - definitely something that you're putting into your tummy has the power to hurt you. That's the way I see the dream. Now to figure out what that "something" is.

  3. My version seems along the same vein I think, as you were exploring.

    For you these past years with diabetes, food has become a poison to you. The food that others might eat and digest normally has the effect on you of trying to kill you. Dead.

    This past year has been really difficult on you as the conditions of your diabetes has shifted, and now the food you were able to consume as a diabetic, is becoming a poison to you as well. You've been going through these tests to see where the difficulty lies and what you can and can't eat, so that you can regain normal. The great stress of these months for you seems to be resulting in you seeing food differently, more sinisterly. It's become difficult for you to eat anything without doubt, without questioning it's content or what it's final effect will be on you.

    But this goes deeper, I think, because a part of your identity is that you are really an awesome baker & cook. You've adapted so many foods for people with allergies so that they could enjoy food too, and that's been a good grace to many people. You can sympathize with them and then you rise to the challenge of creating something for them to eat to enjoy too. I know you love doing this. It's a part of who you are.

    But these days, well it's like all bets are off as you try to manage your health with exercise and food and a few magic pills that without which, you would die. You are tired and your identity is being challenged and yes, you are grappling with a chronic condition that does kill people.

    And that's just really hard, for your conscious and for your subconscious.

    I think your subconscious is doing a great job of summing up your current perception of food, that it tastes lovely, looks like nothing bad is in it, but it is out to kill you.

    It's your subconscious stating what your mind already is living out of.

    Maybe you've not identified the struggle as clearly as your subconscious seems to have. Maybe there is nothing more to do but to just acknowledge that this struggle is your struggle. Giving room to those dramatic considerations.

    This is a new and different season to your life and health, and maybe your identity too.
    But keep being gentle with yourself and give yourself room to feel frustrated and sad and occasionally a bit PO'ed.

    We'll figure it all out.

    And now you have it in writing too.